Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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