Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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