Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
