I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
