I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
