Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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