I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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