I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
