she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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