It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
