thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
