she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
