she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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