why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
