i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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