well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
