He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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