I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
