Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
