So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
