can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
