Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
