remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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