Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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