My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
