I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
