I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
