did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
