I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
