You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
