There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
