Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
