is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
