rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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