I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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