Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
