I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
