Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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