My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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