So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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