Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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