Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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