you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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