Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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