if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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