I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You pole danced in your parka.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
