Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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