Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
