drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
