Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
