Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
