I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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