i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
