goodnight i made you a song goodbye
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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