Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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