So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
