I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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