dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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