I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
