I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
