my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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