You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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