Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize