this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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