that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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