got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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