Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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