paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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