I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
