remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
