if you like me you must not know who I am
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
