Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
