i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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