Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
